You what? Michael Bay must die!

[matgb]

I do not believe this. CanMag- Pics- GM's Transformers!:

“The first time I saw the new Camaro, while touring the GM Design Center, I knew immediately that it would be the perfect ‘Bumblebee,’” said Michael Bay, the film’s Director. He continued, “It’s got beautiful lines and a classic, timeless look. There were no other cars that came even close. I have had a great working relationship with GM for many years and am psyched to be working with them on Transformers.”

So, let's get this straight; the cars selected weren't based on what the toys were, nor on what they were in the comics, nor in the cartoon or the original movie, but on what company gave you the best marketing head?

It gets worse:

“Bumblebee” changes from the classic Chevrolet Camaro, and is a central character in the saga of aliens who take mechanical forms when on Earth “Autobot Jazz” converts from a Pontiac Solstice in a hardtop format. A Hummer H2, modified as a rescue vehicle, changes into “Autobot Ratchet” and “Ironhide” changes from a GMC TopKick medium-duty truck.

No. No no no no no. NO!

Bumblebee is to be a Chevrolet Camaro? You fucking what? No. Bumblebee is a VW Beetle. You got that you imbecile? A Camaro may have 'classic lines' to your idiot eyes, but there are no lines more classic than those of a VW Beetle, and most certainly not some new model Chevvy marketing opportunity. As for Jazz? A Pontiac? No. Really. He's not. Jazz was, without doubt, the coolest Autobot there was. He was a Porche. You got that? Classic car and a half that one. Unfortunately, made by a German company, and not your crappy corporate sponsor. It would appear that you get a pass on Ratchett, as the Hummer is an ambulance, and Ironhide was always a generic minivan, not a great big tank of a 4*4. I agree with cargoweasel:

your childhood being casually sodomized

First comics series I ever bought into (and the UK version was not only top SF, it also gave us Death's Head FFS). I owned (and I think still do at my parents) all the three they're abominating.

I suspect I'm still going to go see the movie, but I'll need to bear in mind, at all times, that it's not a Transformers movie. It's a cars change into robots and have familiar names movie. Ah well.

Comments

Don't expect sense, I've been in the pub.

[miss-s-b.livejournal.com]

A Camaro is a piece of Shite American car. WTF? I mean, I'd argue that a Porsche is a piece of shite as well, but I have an unrteasonable aversion to German cars as well; a porsche would still be better than a fucking pontiac.

I had Megatron when I was kid and my cousin broke him. I was gutted.

Re: Don't expect sense, I've been in the pub.

[matgb]

I was never allowed Megatron, my mother didn't want me to own a gun. So someone got it for my cousin (that I visited every Saturday) instead.

I kinda like German cars, they're normally better than most others. Although every car I've had for ages has been French.

Re: Don't expect sense, I've been in the pub.

[miss-s-b.livejournal.com]

I'm a terrible car snob. The only mainland European car I would have would be Italian; they might be unreliable, but at least they have flair.

French cars are shite. They fall to bits. They always come bottom in all the surveys and people still buy them... I recognise that my thing about German cars is irrational, because they ARE good... I just. Porsches are ugly, and VWs are overpriced and Audis are just vomitworthily trying-too-hard-to-be-cool...

I have a soft spot for some of the Japanese manufacturers, but I have a PASSION for Jags. James Bond drives an Aston (or a BMW) but the bad guy always has a Jag. There's something delightfully caddish about a Jag.

I also like really tiny cars like caterham Sevens.

And actually, for a cheap car? Ford Granada, man, all the way. 2.9 litre engine, creamy delivery, all the executive comforts, and you can pick em up for £500.

Oh look, and now you made me ramble. And I haven't even STARTED on bikes yet...

Re: Don't expect sense, I've been in the pub.

[matgb]

I've had French cars because they're cheap, insurance is cheaper, and low end diesels cost virtually nothing in fuel and maintenence.

Nearly bought a reconditioned ex-police Granada once, but the insurance per year would've been twice the cost of the car, not good.

But then, I was never really into cars. They're a method of getting me places, that's pretty much it.

And the story of why I've not got a bike ever is worth a post of its own at some point...

Re: Don't expect sense, I've been in the pub.

[miss-s-b.livejournal.com]

I was never really into cars.

* patpat *

Bless you for putting that in small! LOL

I got into cars because my mum wouldn't let me have a bike... And then I got a bike anyway LOL. I've never been really good at the girly thing of liking flowers and embroidery.

* shrug *

Anyway, I'm start to talk bollocks now (starting? LOL yeah, anyway) so I think I'd best be off to bed.

* smooch *

Be good. Or if you can't be good, be good at it.

Re: Don't expect sense, I've been in the pub.

[emurphy42.livejournal.com]

Did you have one (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4ckJFNkra8) of these? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc8qKxfqnkA)

[miss-s-b.livejournal.com]

Also YAY NIN ref in a dalek icon!

* fangirl brain collision! *

[matgb]

That was what I thought when I grabbed it. There was a whole set of Torchwood icons based on Closer on one of the song a month icon comms last month. They were crap, but it was a cool idea.

I probably ought to get some band icons, I've only really got this Sisters one, which is a bit too obvious really.

[miss-s-b.livejournal.com]

Did you see the Kirk/Spock Closer video? ASTOUNDINGLY good.

[matgb]

Actually, no; I only had dial up at the old place, YouTube was this vast undiscovered seam of entertainment of which I'd heard many things.

I'll have to go dig it up now the connection isn't a snail.

Found it!

[miss-s-b.livejournal.com]

http://snapesbabe.livejournal.com/314532.html

Re: Found it!

[matgb]

Excellent, thankee muchly.

I always liked Closer when I was out clubbing more; I never notice when someone is flirting, but dancing to Closer? Yeah, that I can notice...

Re: Found it!

[miss-s-b.livejournal.com]

I always liked Closer when I was out clubbing more; I never notice when someone is flirting, but dancing to Closer? Yeah, that I can notice...

LMAO!! Yeah, I never found that if I was being flirty I needed a song that explicit. Subtle is not something I have EVER been good at.

* poke *

Now stop being interesting and let me go to bed. :P

Re: Found it!

[matgb]

I'm not stopping you doing anything. Plus, I'm in bed already...

But yeah, just watched it through, and dead good. Will now DL so I've got it saved if they delete it.

Re: Found it!

[miss-s-b.livejournal.com]

If I had computer in my bedroom I would never sleep. I'd always be "oh, I'll just hit refresh one more time..."

But I'm already twenty minutes past my absolutely must be in bed deadline for tonight. And I still have London Lung, so I won't sleep hugely well.

Why can't somebody just PAY me to be nocturnal and spot crap on LJ? So unfair.

Anyhoo, g'night!

* determined face, mouse hovering over the red X *

Re: Found it!

[fearmeforiampink]

Y'see I find that thing really hard to read, generally cause I ain't got my glasses on if I'm dancing, and thus can't see anything that's not utterly blatant. Dammit.

[poifaerie.livejournal.com]

Dear Michael Bay,

You are a cuntard.

I hate you.

Please go and poke yourself in the eyes with splintered cocktail sticks soaked in vinegar.

Love,
Me.

[matgb]

Please go and poke yourself in the eyes with splintered cocktail sticks soaked in vinegar.

Ow!

Remind me never to piss you off.

[burkesworks.livejournal.com]

I always thought that directing extended commercials for toys was about Michael Bay's level. I am not particularly familiar with which Transformers are which and which do what, being as I am an old relic from the era of Johnny Sevens and spacehoppers, but I can only assume that they explode loudly and crash and burn a lot if Bay's heavy hand is on the tiller.

[matgb]

Well, I had to go look up Ratchett and Ironhide, but Bumblebee is Bumblebee, it's sort of like making Postman Pat into an ambulance driver, or Ivor the Engine suddenly becoming a jet plane.

Besides, I used to love spacehoppers; I was champion hopper at my primary school...

[eldar.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. As an owner (still) of every UK Tranformers comic bar two (one I missed early on, the other got ripped in two as punishment for naughtiness!), as owner (still) of many of the toys, though none of the ones defiled by Mr Mann and his corporate tie-ins, I think I owe it to myself to boycott this film.

And there I was thinking it was something to look forward to seeing.

[matgb]

You still have all of them? *is impressed*

I suspect I'll still go, but it may be a 'throw popcorn at the screen' event rather than a 'wow, cool' event.

as owner (still) of many of the toys, though none of the ones defiled by Mr Mann and his corporate tie-ins

Um, dude, you don't own Bumblebee? What sort of a transformers fan doesn't have a Bumblebee?

[eldar.livejournal.com]

They're all at my parents' place, in a box, somewhere.

As for not having Bumblebee... he wasn't really my style. Small, about as effective in battle as a gnat? Nah. Gimme a BIG STONKING GREAT GUN any time. There's a (somewhat knackered) Megatron somewhere, as well as one of those five-into-one megabots.

[shakalooloo.livejournal.com]

I don't own Bumblebee. He was easily the most annoying character until they decided to introduce Wheelie in the movie, to give the yellow guy a chance.

I do have Optimus Prime, Starscream and Prowl, though. Megatron, lamentably, is one of those toys that looks rather crap in robot mode; not at all like he does in the cartoons/comics.

[tyrell.livejournal.com]

This sucks giant monkey balls. Can you imagine if they'd done Thundercats and said "Right, now what animals do we want them to be? I think bears have a classic look..."

They'd have to market the toys with entirely different names, and they couldn't use the existing range... it's just insanity, I tell you!